By Jay McGraw

Bullying includes any type of insulting or threatening behavior that is repeated over and over and is aimed at children seen as physically or socially weaker than the bully or different from the bully. Four major types of bullying are physical bullying, verbal bullying, relationship bullying, and online bullying.

Physical bullying involves the use or threat of physical violence to humiliate, manipulate, and/or frighten another child. Verbal bullying involves using spoken words to attack or embarrass another child. Relationship bullying means that the bully is using his or her social status to hurt another child. This involves keeping kids out of social groups, using a child’s desire to belong to a group to force the child to misbehave or do something he/she doesn’t want to do, or spreading rumors and insults about other children through friends, neighbors, or schoolmates. Online bullying involves the use of computers, websites, message boards, and other online forums to hurt other kids.Bullying is always intentional, and unless it’s stopped, it usually gets worse as times goes by.

Even though there are many different types of bullying, they all have some things in common. Here are a few ways you can tell that someone is acting like a bully.

Bullies usually harm those they see as “weaker” or “different.” In many cases, bullies are physically bigger. Other times they are considered more popular than other kids and have larger groups of friends. In some cases, the bullies come from a richer family or are part of popular social or athletic groups. But whenever someone tries to bully you or someone you know, it’s always because they think they can convince you that you’re somehow weaker than they are. Remember, though, that just because a bully thinks that you are weaker, different, or not as cool, that does not mean that you are!

Bullies do harm on purpose. Bullying isn’t a mistake kids make. They don’t accidentally hurt your feelings through mean acts that they commit over and over again. Bullying is done on purpose, with the intent to hurt or embarrass you. Sure, there are times when kids joke around with you and sometimes accidentally hurt your feelings or your body. In these cases, an apology is certainly in order, but that one mean act doesn’t necessarily amount to you being bullied. Bullying is much more than this. It is intentional, it is hurtful, and it is not okay.

Bullies don’t do it just once. If it’s just one mean act, then an apology and an agreement not to do or say that hurtful thing again should be enough to fix the problem. But bullying isn’t about one single act against you. Bullies usually repeat their behavior. Girls who get pushed around or boys who have rumors spread about them on message boards don’t usually suffer just once. The bullies who attack you do it over and over again because they are always looking for ways to put you down—which makes them feel better about themselves. And in many cases, the situation goes from bad to worse for kids like you. Bullies have been known to start with taunting and then move into physical bullying that can grow worse over time. Bullying even once is not okay.
 
Bullies nearly always play to an audience. Sure, sometimes a bully will corner you in an empty hallway and make threats or actually carry them out. But bullying is usually done for other people to see. Bullies don’t just want to prove their power over you. They also want to make sure that other people know that they have—or think they have—some sort of control over how you feel and act, where you can and can’t go, who you hang out with or what games you participate in. Bullying is usually very public. It is important to recognize bullying when you see it.

Many kids are reluctant to talk to teachers and other faculty because they don’t want to be accused of ratting out another kid. Here are six reasons why bringing adults at school into the mix is a good idea:
 
1. The staff supervises.
Principals, teachers, aides—these people have been asked to keep control over what happens at the school. They run the school, not the bullies and cliques. They are the people who have been trained to handle certain situations, and many of them have a lot of experience dealing with taunting, harassment, verbal attacks, and even physical abuse among students. It’s important that you respect their authority. You show this respect by helping them maintain order at school. You’re also letting people know that you understand how authority works at the school and that bullies aren’t in charge.

2. Teachers can set rules.
If there’s a problem with bullies at your school, principals and teachers can come up with different ways to tackle the situation. Certainly one of the first steps might be to make bullying against the rules at your school. Students who are caught doing it to others might be seriously punished.

Also, there are many programs and policies, like the anti-bullying pledge, that teachers can use to educate students about the negative effects of bullying. If the staff starts to think that bullying is a big problem at your school, they have the power to call assemblies, create classes, and make up policies that can reduce the harassment.

3. Principals and teachers can talk with other students.
If you talk to adults at some schools, they’ll tell you that they don’t know about any bullying going on. But if you talk to the kids, they’ll tell you a very different story. They see bullying going on around them and don’t think the adults are doing enough to stop it.

But before your principal can do something about it, he or she has to know what’s really going on, right? And that mean that the principal needs to be able to talk to you and to your friends and classmates about how they are being treated at school. But sometimes students are not willing to talk to teachers and other people on the staff. Maybe you don’t think you can trust them. Or maybe you think they don’t care. I can’t say for sure if you’re wrong about both of these ideas. But I’ll tell you that you need to try.

And many times, when one student approaches a teacher or principal, that person will do his or her best to work out the situation. And that may involve sitting down with the other kid to try to work out the problem. Okay, so you might be afraid to go to that big fifth grader and ask him to sit down and talk about his problems with you. But when the vice principal shows up, it’s another story! She has ways of making him talk. And adults can also act like the umpire in a baseball game when handling a talk between two kids: They can let you know when you’re being fair, when you can’t interrupt, and when you have made a very good point.

4. Adults can work with other adults.
If kids at school are harassing you, your principal and teachers can reach out to other adults to help you solve the problem. That might mean going to a counselor to help you talk about your feelings. Or a teacher talking with other teachers about keeping an ear out for nasty gossip in and around their classrooms. Or the principal talking to the school security chief about increasing patrols around the schoolyard.

5. Adults can keep your parents aware.
Maybe it’s not easy for you to tell your dad that you’re being picked on at school or online by some classmates. Maybe it’d be easier if you told someone at school and asked if they could help you tell your folks. Talking with adults can provide you with someone more experienced and more mature to help you talk through the situation with Mom and Dad. Perhaps they could work with you to come up with the right words to say. Or maybe they could sit with you and your parents as you talk it out.

6. School staff sets the tone.
Adults can send a very powerful message that bullying won’t be tolerated at your school. They certainly can punish the bullies who pick on weaker kids. But they can also come up with ways to work with the bullies to try to straighten out their behavior. Instead of just tossing out kids who bully or throwing them in detention, teachers and principals can reward students who work to stop bullying. There might be prizes or trips or other cool gifts for kids who help let it be known that bullying is not going to be allowed. Bullying should not be written off or excused as a “part of growing up.” It is up to all of us to make certain those bullies who repeatedly intimidate, harass, and physically abuse others are stopped and not allowed a place in our lives or the lives of others.

Jay McGraw is the best-selling author of Life Strategies for Dealing with Bullies, The Ultimate Weight Solution for Teens, Closing the Gap, Daily Life Strategies for Teens, Life Strategies for Teens, and the Life Strategies for Teens workbook. Jay spent his adolescence learning and living the Life Strategies that his father, Dr. Phil McGraw, calls the "Ten Life Laws."

Music is an integral part of childhood development. A simple Internet research yields thousands of documents supporting the importance of music in brain development. From the first sounds of a lullaby to the repetition of basic nursery rhymes, each child will respond to the simplest forms of music. Numerous studies report the basic fundamentals of music providing the foundation for learning math as well as building self-esteem and confidence. Music classes can be an excellent venue to share music with your child. Not only do children develop a sense of rhythm, the quality time spent in a class with your toddler contributes to the bond that you share. Finding the right music class for your toddler can be as easy as turning to your local city parks and recreation department. If the city does not offer a program, they might be able to recommend a private school or program in your area. Music schools advertise in the yellow pages and on the Internet. Once you have found the available opportunities there are several things to look for before deciding on the right program for your toddler.

 Ten Important Questions to Ask any Program or School:

1. What kinds of programs do you offer? Schools may offer programs that are focused on vocal performance, instruments or a mixture of both. Music comes in so many forms, consider which form your child will develop the most from. A very energetic child may do better in a class where instruments (drums, cymbals, shakers) are the main focus. A shy child may flourish in a class that encourages vocal performance.

2. What are the age groups? What is the age breakdown and how many children are in a typical class? Choosing a class that suits your toddlers age range is important. You know your child best. If your child is above the developmental curve, you may consider requesting a trial day with the next class level. Look for a class that has the average age similar to your child.

3. How many times a week/month do you offer classes and what are the times available? Children are so diverse with their daytime schedules. A late napper might benefit from an early morning or mid-day class. Conversely, an early evening class might work better for parental participation when work schedules require night activities.

4. Do you offer a free trail class to attend? A great music program will encourage you to come in for a trial class. Use the free trial to study the interaction between the instructors and children. Are they engaging and enthusiastic? Do the other children seem to enjoy the class? Does the time work for your toddler? Talk to the other parents and get feedback about the curriculum. You will learn the most from other participants.

5. What are the credentials of the teachers? Before you commit to the class, you need to feel comfortable with the safety of the classroom and the dedication of the staff. Does the school/program offer the credentials of the instructors? Does the training require a particular education? Each program may have different requirements of the instructors some of which offer specialized training in their methods. If it is important to you that the instructors have childhood development skills, ask in advance.

 6. Are there additional charges for materials? Some programs have kits that you are asked to bring to each class. These kits may have several different types of instruments. Other programs provide instruments to be shared during class. The kits are not always included in the class price.

7. Is there parent interaction? Or, what will be expected from the parent or guardian attending with the child? If you are a hands on parent and want to be sure that parent participation is encouraged, you should consult with them regarding how much or how little parents are expected to be involved. This activity could provide much needed together time so a class that requires a more instructor driven interaction may not be what you need.

8. Do you have any references that I may call? If you do not get a chance to view a sample class, ask them for references from past or present students. Ask the other parents to name the best aspects as well as any downfalls they found with the program. Remember children and parents share their own experiences, you may find more than one reference to be most helpful.\

 9. Do you offer a discount for buying a package? Like typical schools, some classes are offered on a term basis. For instance, if a term is 8 weeks and the sessions are available all school year, you may ask for a multiple term discount. Programs available through parks and recreation may not offer such prepaid discounts but it never hurts to ask.

 10. Do you offer a payment plan? Music schools, independent or through the city, may offer scholarships or extended payment plans. Knowing in advance may save you valuable time and effort if you qualify. In conclusion, asking the right questions during your search for the school, class or program is critical to setting up a great experience for both you and your child. The payoff might be watching your shy child sing the loudest or your rambunctious child sit attentively watching an engaging instructor. Music fills our every day lives, why not find a musical experience to share with your growing child?

 Author: Kathie Papera, founder and owner of Lilypad Baby a premier site for stylish and unique baby gifts that can be personalized.

You have read all the lists about what to pack for the big day. You have outlined every aspect of your birth plan. You have copied, checked and re-checked every list to make sure you have forgotten nothing . Do you really need to pack emery boards and a facial spritzer? How about that tennis ball for lower back pain? Unless you plan to fill a steamer trunk and your luxurious birthing suite accommodates luggage for a 13-day cruise, here are the basics of what you need to have with you at delivery time.

First, and I cannot make this clear enough; pack your “suitcase” ahead of time and put it in the primary car that you drive. I have been in the baby business for six years and I have heard story after story of last minute scrambles and misplaced necessities. You might be going to your 37 week check up getting ready to spend the next 2 to 3 weeks off your feet eating bonbons only to find out your OB nurse has wrangled up a wheel chair with your name on it headed straight for the maternity ward for an unscheduled inducement. Having the bag in the car can save precious moments in a hectic situation.

Everyone envisions a peaceful and glowing birth with operatic angels singing a welcome aria in the tranquil birthing suite. Reality? Childbirth is unpredictable. Prioritizing your needs and wants is critical. Preserving the experience on video or film is a must for most first timers. Not everyone enjoys the thought of putting their body on display for the videographer, but if you would like to relive the experience, pack a video camera with extra media and a back up battery in the bag. You would not want to miss a picture of your baby’s first few minutes. A still camera with extra media and a back up battery is a must have as well.

If you are enjoying the benefits of an epidural, something to pass the time is important. This may be friends and family to cheer you on through the peaks of contractions or a magazine or book if you are progressing slowly.

If the hospital policy allows for music (and most major hospitals now supply CD players in the delivery suites) a special CD or compilation will help keep your mind busy and may serve as a soundtrack that will always bring back memories of the most courageous, beautiful and miraculous experience you may ever have.

You will need socks for your entire stay so pack several pairs. Most people forget the socks and the hospital offers little help for cold feet. Skip the pricey cashmere versions just in case you cannot imagine parting ways with socks that have been through the ringer in the hospital.

Post delivery the nurses will be tending to your physical recovery so this is when the comforts of home become necessary. No doubt you will have visitors and even though everyone will be celebrating the arrival of the baby, your friends and family will congratulate you on your magnificent accomplishment. Why not look your best? You don’t need a full face of make up and blow out to look good. A hairbrush, toothbrush, a face towel and some lip gloss will make you feel amazing. Speaking of blow out, if you need a hairdryer make sure to bring one with you. Bring a special set of pajamas and a robe (prepare in advance if you plan to breastfeed as there are special clothes, including bras, designed to make breastfeeding simple to do without completely disrobing every time). Whether you deliver the old fashion way or via c-section, you should pack some large pads. If you plan to recover for several days at the hospital, do not forget shampoo, conditioner and lotion. The hospital can certainly be nice, but it is not the Four Seasons.

Between feedings and visits you may have time to call or email friends and family. Pack along important contact names and numbers. Have a calling card ready just in case cell phones are prohibited and the phones are for local calls only.

Dads or partners should bring along essentials that include a change of clothes for day and night, a kit with hygiene necessities, cell phone, a laptop if the hospital allows, snacks and cameras. Most hospitals allow for the partner to spend the entire time with the recovering mother, but they offer few amenities.

You will need to prepare very few things for your new baby. The hospital supplies many of the necessities you need so take advantage of those items. However, nothing is more important than a car seat for the drive home. The car seat should be installed correctly and adjusted to fit the new baby. You will also need a few outfits and some soft receiving blankets. If you plan to bottle feed, bring along pre-mixed formula in the brand you prefer.

For your trip home you should have a comfortable set of clothes. Since your body will change very little from birth to the ride home it is safe to use maternity clothes for the trip. Bringing pre-pregnancy clothes is simply unrealistic not to mention discouraging.

You may have other creature comforts not mentioned here, but be judicious about what you pack. Again, pack early and keep a suitcase in the car at all times. Being prepared could remove unneeded stress during this wonderfully life changing event.

Author: Kathie Papera,
founder and owner of Lilypad Baby

 

You envision your child, who has yet to be born, to be the most beautiful, sweetest, most amazing person in the universe. Therefore, you'd like to give him or her a name that is truly unique-one that sets your baby apart from the rest. Since every child is a unique creation, it only makes sense that we might be prompted to give our children names that are special, even one-of-a-kind. Still, you should exercise some caution when trying to give your baby a unique name. There are certainly some things you should try to consider, before placing that unusual name on the child's birth certificate.

Stress the Positive

Your child's name should conjure up pleasant memories. It should also carry a meaning that is truly special to you. Since your baby's name may cast a long shadow, you will have to be especially careful when deciding on a name. You might mention some of your ideas to friends and relatives to find out their reactions. While you may not want to name your child based upon a consensus vote, it doesn't hurt to have input from other people.

Think About Rhythm

Rhythm is highly important in music, so it should come as no surprise that it may have an effect on how your child's name is perceived to be. In general, your baby's first and last name, spoken together, should have a pleasing rhythm. Also, the number of syllables in your child's first name should differ from the number of syllables in the surname. If you have a particularly common last name, an unusual first name may indeed be best for baby. When he or she grows up, it will certainly make it easier to find your offspring in the phone book!

Pronunciation Guides

While you may think it interesting to have your baby's name pronounced in an unusual way, it could make life unbearable for your child on down the road. For instance, if you name your baby girl "Maria" but pronounce it "Mariah," your child will have to constantly correct people. As an alternative, you might consider an unusual spelling of a common name, such as Karyn or Caren - which make for unique baby girl names.

Investigate Your Family Tree

If you're looking for an unusual unique baby name, you might try investigating the various branches of your family tree. You might find that your great-great grandfather or great-great grandmother had a distinctive name-one that is seldom used today. In this way, you are forging a link to the past, while also providing your baby with a distinctive identity.

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